Thursday, June 18, 2015

Why I Refuse to Apologize for Crying

Some girls don't cry.

Some girls think logically and brush things off their shoulders and don't express their emotions.

I am not one of those girls, but I have always wished that I was.

Since elementary school, I have been labeled as the "emotional girl". The one that was always stressed, always crying, or too dramatic. I have been broken up with for it and gotten into fights with friends over it.

To a certain extent, being overly emotional can be a problem, but I think there is somewhat of a misconception surrounding it. So to anyone that has been labeled this way, this goes out to you. I am that person and I refuse to think that it is a flaw in my personality.

In reality, I think society doesn't know how to handle human emotions in the right way. You're either pegged as being too emotional or emotionless. If you cry, it is a sign of weakness. Men are never allowed to cry. Women do it way too often.

But what if being emotional is just how God wired others and myself? What if I don't need to be ashamed of it or stifle it or hide it? Because lets be honest: I cry when I am happy, sad, or angry. It is my automatic reaction and I usually cannot control it. But what if this response actually comes not out of weakness, but instead from a heart that is over-flowing with passion?

So what if I am the excited one? The girl that freaks out over the simplest things? Someone who wants to eliminate some of the sadness and cruelty of the world, and instead infuse it with passion and warmth? Where would we be without people that show emotion? (And on the contrary, people that don't) Why is it viewed as a negative attribute to "wear your emotions on their sleeves"?

I have lived with the shame and displeasure of being "emotional" my entire life and it is time to shed some light on the hurt that it can bring. I feel like I have to hide my emotions and restrain from crying. It has effected my thinking so now when I experience emotion, I feel like I have to shut it down immediately or people will label me in a negative way. I have been scared to show it to friends and family and my boyfriend because everyone is annoyed by it or confused and tries to push it away. No one wants to deal with emotion.

Next time you call someone emotional in a negative manner, think about how it can effect them. Because I have heard it said my entire life as a bad thing or something I need to work on, but I know the Lord uses it and has made me this way for a reason. I know He wants me to be a light in a world of sadness and darkness. Everyone can be in their own way, and He has just wired me in this specific way.

So before you start beating yourself up about how God has made you specifically, think about how God created you uniquely and created you in a specific way for His Kingdom. For me it is by being emotional and I will not apologize for it or be ashamed of it any longer.